People Come…People Go. It’s OK.

“I’m sorry to hear you’ll be leaving us. Please don’t be insulted that I don’t seem upset by your resignation.”

That‘s what I always told people who resigned during my career, including when I was CEO of Bottom Line Inc., no matter how panicked I was inside about how we would fill their spot. It was the same whether for business, or a personal friend relocating or friend dropping out of a group we both belonged to.

I never begrudged someone leaving, even if it was going to make things very difficult for me or for us. Why not? Because they have shifted within themselves and chosen to pursue their life in a different place. If I gave a counter offer or “begged” for them to change their mind, they may stay for a while but their heart is already in a different place and it would not be successful in the long run.  Besides, I am always excited for people to grow and evolve on their life paths.

I had this situation recently when Stella, the wonderful woman who helped build my Sarah Hiner/Awakening Happiness  website chose to focus on her primary singing career and forego her sideline of providing on-line marketing and technical support. As usual, I had a brief panic when Stella gave me her notice, and then I wished her well and felt only gratitude for all that she has done to help me get to where I am.  And then…

I followed Stella’s advice, and went to the website she recommended where I could find people who could replace her.  I interviewed several and have hired one.  My new person won’t be Stella. “T” will be who he is.  There will be aspects of him that won’t be as talented and charming as Stella and there will be other aspects where he will excel and open new doors for me.

As Maria said in The Sound of Music,  “When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window.”

So what do you do with people who leave your life, whether it’s business or personal? 

Do you  focus on the closed door by simply letting them walk off into the sunset and assume the relationship is lost?  Do you make it about you and get hurt that they are leaving you and then head down an emotional rabbit hole of  self-pity?

Or, do you look at the window that is opening up for you, looking for ways to either retain them in your life, or the possible opportunity to let go of someone who hasn’t really been a positive force for you?

Not to sound crass, but you could label the people in your life like you do the stuff in your closets or basement when you are doing a good clean out:  Keep..Pitch… Give Away.  But in this case I would classify it as Keep…Ditch…File Away. 

Think about the person.  Is this really a blessing in disguise, in that they are not someone who is helping you live your best life? They may take from you, criticize you, undermine you or simply don’t energize you. Perhaps since they don’t help you thrive they have provided you with a graceful exit from an otherwise unsatisfactory relationship. Ditch them.

Or, is this a person who fuels you?  Brings you joy? Helps you grow?  Inspires you?  Supports you?  Someone who you want to work hard to stay connected with? Keep them (albiet in a shifted relationship).

The ones who were in your life out of convenience or obligation, weren’t destructive but you weren’t especially close to can be “filed away.”  They can stay on your Christmas card list and you can call them in the future if you happen to be in the same town or have a question that only they can answer, but otherwise you don’t make an effort at having significant or regular contact with them. 

It’s an obvious statement to say that people come and people go, especially when you go back to childhood.  Life changes and it’s hard, especially when it means losing people who have been a significant part of your day to day life. The question is whether you face the change with a positive can-do outlook or one of fear and focused on the loss. 

Do you say:

“This is an opportunity for a staff upgrade” OR “I don’t know how we will be able to continue without them”

“I hope that our new neighbors will also enjoy Sunday night barbecues.” OR “The neighborhood will never be the same.”

“I guess we will have to phone and facetime regularly, and maybe even schedule walk & talk dates.” OR  “I’m going to have to find a new best friend.” 

As with all changes in life, your response is up to you.  Some relationships may fall away, but others – the ones that really matter – will continue, albeit in a different form.  Most of my best friends in the world are currently hundreds if not thousands of miles away from me.  Our hearts will always be connected even if our actual in-person time has dwindled.

As for Stella, I already miss her but can’t wait to see the trajectory of her music career.  And, I am excited at changes coming for my website and my Awakening Happiness program. Stay tuned…